question: what life-values are you going to express with your eating today? (not with your food selections, but with your eating behavior)

Marion - personally - I think the brownie story is hilarious. What's wrong with 21 brownies in 24 hours? There's a down side to this? Just kidding!

My mindfulness strategy for today - try to do something entirely different that what I might normally do. When I want to snack I'll reach for fresh vegetables and fruit. Same for when I am craving something sweet. Might develop into a good habit over time and combined with mindfulness eating! Unbeatable!

True, KS! But I love a spirited debate, esp with this dear friend, and this was one instance where it just instinctively seemed there was some perfect counter-argument that was staring me in the face, but I just couldn't see it. Or maybe she IS right? I dunno, 21 brownies in less than 24 hours just seems...well....not what I have in mind when I think of mindful eating, that's for sure.

Marion I am going to play devil's advocate here. Why do you have to argue with her? I love how your posts make me think! Thanks!

From the "Need Help Arguing with a Friend' Dept: a friend took home 21 brownies that had been left over after a meeting. She ate 7 when she got home, and the remainder in 2 sessions the next day. She swore to me that every last brownie was slowly, mindfully eaten and savored, the first as much as the 21st, and challenged me to explain what was unmindful about it. She insisted the quantity had not diminished her joy, nor made her too full ("They were small brownies, and I adjusted what I ate the rest of the day to allow for them", she offered). Maddeningly, I could not think of any counter argument, even though the whole thing seemed quite suspicious to me. Suggestions on what I should have said?

Great discussion, Susan and KS.

K.S. - thanks for your thoughts on the issue of calories v. mindfulness. Yes, that is the answer. I think most of us know that in an intellectual sense but maybe don't quite believe it. It is hard to overcome conditioning. It's something to just keep working at and hopefully there will be incremental success over time.

Most of the day did well with mindful eating. I was not very mindful this evening. Had a beer, cheese, crackers - fun food - threw mindfulness out the window. Breakfast and lunch were good though - careful, thoughtful, mindful.

Susan - I think the answer is to the question is yes, but as a combination. If I had not noticed that I was wolfing down that brownie I would have gone for a second one to satisfy the craving. By stopping and focusing, being mindful of the brownie, I was able to satisfy the craving with one. Lowering the calorie count potential. I think being mindful does help with calories without all the math! :)

Late start again - bagel & coffee for brunch, followed by a cup of Ben & Jerry ice cream. Then about 2 hours later had a Lean Cuisine meal. Could have been healthier but not too bad. Most important all consumed mindfully so as not to over-indulge. Always a challenge not to think strictly in terms of calories. I suppose the argument continues to be is weight gain a function of calories or mindless eating?

That's right, KS: this brownie, this one and only brownie.

Busy day. Lots of running around. Had a brownie for a snack/treat. Noticed that for something I really wanted I was just snarfing it down. So I stopped, put it down and competely focused on what was in my mouth. Went from a "brownie? what brownie?" moment to "This brownie is awesome and ahhhhhh" moment.

Thanks, KS, for sharing, well analyzed too - 'just completely there," "two treats - food and mindfulness." Thank you for a great post of a great moment. Congrats on effective presence.

Wonderful mindful meal: egg drop soup and sushi. Just completely there. What a fantastic treat, actually two: food and mindfulness!

Susan, great mindful "catch" on satiety/fullness! Good save.

Congrats, Beco. What a precedent!

Had my first meal of the day at 4:00 p.m. It probably was not the most healthy but it was very mindful. Had fresh watermelon, coffee and a toasted onion bagel with cream cheese. While a 2nd bagel seemed vaguely appealing I did not indulge because I realize i was completely satisfied with what I had already eaten - mindfulness kicking in beautifully!

There is no reason whatsoever I can put my fingers on why yesterday it would all come so easily to me, with a real sense of "flow", when just 2 days ago I ate my way through a very similar day with very minimal success at mindfulness.

Am still struggling with the concept of eating food that is less than healthy, etc., but delicious - like french fries, pie and so on. Sometimes I do better just not bothering with the forbidden food because when I do get, say a piece of pie, with the intention of eating just a bit now and a bit later - I end up eating the whole thing now. Whereas if I had just not purchased the slice of pie in the first place I would have gone home and had fresh fruit for dessert instead. It is an interesting struggle. Anyhow, that's what happened when I got back to El Paso this evening. I stopped and had Huevos Rancheros and then eyed all the various yummy pies and kept telling myself - don't do it, don't do it - go home and have fresh watermelon instead. Then I kept considering what it would be like to buy that great piece of pie and see about eating a portion over 2 or 3 days. Wrongo - got home - sat down to watch PBS, took a bite of strawberry Hawaiian pie, then another and another and another and before very long - it was all gone! Woudn't doubt that was a good extra 500 - 600 calories!

I'm not sure if familiarity does breed contempt, or if exposure does breed nonchalance....many long term marriages and friendships stand as proof that there is a also often a certain cozy, routine, sustaining comfort to familiarity (in love as in food). Personally, I will be just as pleased with my 200th bowl of Tom Kha as I was about my first.
One time I really was successfully turned off a food was when I turned 12: my mother bought me 12 of my favorite candy bars in a brilliant reverse psychology move. I demolished them within 72 hours-and have only eaten 2 of those candy bars in the almost 3 decades since.

Started the day with a surprise mindful moment. A coworker brought in some home made bread and I decided to have a slice. It was incrediable. It actually forced me to stop and be mindful. What a nice way to start a Monday!

I have been mindfully enjoying some of my favorite foods here in Pittsburgh. I work for 3 weeks out of the month out-of-state (Southwest) and then come to Pittsburgh for a few days and repeat this every 3rd/4th week. Eating here is mindful in the sense that I am more aware than usual of what I am eating since I don't have access to it all the time. Didn't over do it with any of the foods I consumed so I am pleased about that.

Marion: kudos to you for carrying your favorite food with you - familiarity breeds contempt (eventually); exposure breeds nonchalanace (eventually). Keep with it!

Successful ME strategy this week involved moving the foods I most commonly eat mindlessly to the most inaccessible locations in the kitchen. Making that extra effort to get them is something I will only do if I really want that food. Unsuccessful ME strategy of the week was the day I attempted the exercise where you carry around your favorite food item all day as a hedge against craving. I realized that 1) if your favorite food item has chocolate as an ingredient and 2) if it is 100 degrees out then 3) you probably could choose a better day to do that exercise. (I ate the damn thing to get rid of the warm and squishy mess....oh well...)

Good for you, KS, thank you for sharing!

Finally a mindful moment ... with coffee this evening. I am becoming more and more aware of when I am not mindful as I eat to quickly and usually feel sick after. It maybe the only moment of the day but I will take it happily as I feel the tension leave my body.

Yes, Susan, it is my position that (with the exception of deep fried tractor tires) any food - in moderation - is allowed. Banning foods - out of fear of overeating - only leads to overeating of those foods. Now, if you are an ethics-driven vegan or vegetarian or you have some nutritionally/medically-predicated objections for certain foods, then, of course, you will be staying away from certain foods. The point of mindful eating approach is the "how" of eating, not the "what" of eating. What you eat is a diet issue. Mindful eating isn't a diet but it can certainly co-exist with one. So, if you are testing a certain diet, then, mindful eating will certainly facilitate your diet objectives. If, however, you are not on a diet and simply trying to manage your weight by way of mindful eating then ultimately it's the "how" of eating and the "how-much" of eating (which is direclty tied in to whether you are eating mindfully or mindlessly) that matters, not the "what" of eating. I hope this helps.

Pavel - thanks for helping us re-focus. Mindful eating - indeed - the reason for us being here. Last two days have been great in terms of ME. Best days so far in about two weeks. I started yesterday and today with a fabulous fruit smoothie with protein powder, wheat germ and lots of other great stuff. This sort of sets the tone for the rest of the day. I've been eating small portions of different things mindfully all the while paying attention to what my body seems to need, rather than doing it on que. One thing though, Pavel, you say that it's not so much about what you eat as how you go about eating it. Are you saying that even bad food choices, such as french fries, are okay if we eat mindfully, in moderation, etc. The reason this question comes up is that there is so much hype about certain foods that are certain death if consumed. I'm exagerating a bit here but sometimes that is the impression you get from the media and other sources.

Susan: re - striving to see shades of gray - on the nose! Congrats!

Ok, ladies, an intriguing exchange, but how about some mindfuls to share? Please, indulge the silent, shadow readership of this page with your mindful-eating know-how... And, yes, keep writing about cookbooks as food-porn. Fascinating topic, indeed.

Marion - very interesting concept of all the cookbooks as food porn. Maybe that's what it is. What comes to mind for me is that maybe this "obsession" with food has to do with growing up poor in rural northern NM. I can still remember that stopping in town on shopping day and having an ice cream cone was a HUGE deal. It would be the equivalent of going out for a sumptious dinner now. The truth is though - I ate much better and healthier as a child than I do now. We grew most of our food. We always had huge vegetable gardens, orchards with all kinds of fruit and the meat we ate was organic. Most everything we ate was whole foods prepared at home. As children none of the children in the family had any problems with weight. So much for having more...makes one think. But getting back to this concept of obsession - maybe some of us have an element of OCD anyway - thus our issues with eating. Having said all of that, I don't intend to stop enjoying food and I will be keeping my cookbook collection. Everything is good - in moderation and consumed/used mindfully. I get into more trouble when it's an all or nothing proposition, if I see things as black or white and no gray. I am striving to have shades of gray in my life!:)

Hmmm....I have to confess I am out of love with food. I would characterize my relationship with it as an unhealthy, one sided obsession.
When I look around in my kitchen (and family room...and office...), I really think that a lot of those cookbooks have GOT to go (I mean..it is just food porn, really...something to whet the appetite and keep us in a constant state of fantasy and anticipation. I mean-seriously-how many of us actually make even 1/10 of the recipes in even our favorite cookbooks?? And if we got rid of any modern cookbook, all the recipes would be easily google-able anyway).
I am secretly scared of passing on bad food habits to my son and put a lot of effort into modelling constructive food behaviors in his presence. When he said "I had a bad time at that event, so I am just going to have this brownie here." I was proud of the deliberate nonchalance with which I said 'Nahh, that's not how we handle stress. Let's think of another way you can feel better."
His father and I once exchanged favorite travel stories with 2 good friends. Literally every story came back to food-it was how all of us had remembered the towns and cities: bad pasta in the Andes, unbelievable latkes in Cologne....and so on. All well and good...but I can't help thinking that there is something wrong with this picture. I am determined to try my friend Sue's Peanut Butter Sandwich challenge (where you visit any place you like, but just eat the peanut butter sandwiches, give or take some fruit). She swears it changes her whole perspective on the places she goes to-having to create non-food centered impressions.

Marion - interesting point you bring up about anticipation vs. wish fulfillment. Actually, I enjoy the heck out of the food - but enjoy it much more when eaten mindfully and in moderation. When I go bonkers with anything in life, food included, then all the negative feelings kick in. I really am quite a "foodie". I absolutely adore sharing meals with friends - it's one of my most favorite things to do. I really enjoy food from around the world. I collect recipes and cookbooks. I enjoying cooking, especially with my little daughter. Sounds horrifying, right? At least if you are trying to keep food "out of sight, out of mind" which is sometimes the strategy I use (unsuccessfully I might add) to deal with food.

I'll say it again, Marion, you have the most delightful way of writing. It informs, it entertains, it makes me laugh, it encourages - please keep doing it!

I wonder how you find eating what you want Susan? I found it exciting at first, but at some point I felt done with it. It kind of pissed me off that the food did not satisfy me as much as it seemed it would. As happens so often in life, the anticipation was often far more intense that the wish fulfilment.
I think I sometimes have a food devil on my left shoulder, always yelling "FTS! You DESERVE it!" when I think about moderating an amount of food I am about to eat, or holding off on some gastronomic whim when I am not really hungry. I like this guy-his commentary is hilarious at times-but I am getting better and better at taking his input as one of a series of options open to me.
Angel on my right shoulder encourages me to use the pomegranate molasses more, and juice and can farm grown vegetables in the spirit of my peasant ancestors.
Somewhere between the two is the life I live. I think the trick indeed is to keep up momentum and not let the more humdrum days stand in the way of progress-the great leap forward may well be around the next bend! (My own road-painfully straight this week-but why not hope??:)

Marion - I sure do relate to your post of July 6th - about having a fit, etc. Thank you for writing. You are so right, sometimes there is nothing sexy about waking up. I suppose I have been in a crabby mood about food and have just sort of ignored the whole issue for about a week now. Try as I may to ignore it, it's still there. I've sort of been doing "whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want." Hasn't changed things though. In between all of that I try to have some moments in the day of mindful eating and sometimes that is the best I can do. I notice when I am feeling relatively on top of the food issue I write more and when I'm not feeling so great I sort of disappear. Anyhow, onwards and upwards.

Tea + Mind = Moment

Nothing like the smell of grilled vegetables - different every time!

This morning I savored my bagel with cream cheese by cutting it up into "mindful bites" -- taking time to savor each bite -- crispy, bready, creamy -- really helped me to feel satisfied and I found I didn't even want to finish the entire thing. When I take time to savor mindfully, I feel like it really makes a big difference in my relationship to food.

breakfast of consciousness: patterns broken, mind for dessert. ok, let me translate this: used utensils in non-dominant hand (to awaken the eating zombie), had breakfast on a deck (rather than at the table - change of setting leads to change of mind-state), and all that pattern-interruption jazz, if you know what I mean...

what's your mindful eating know-how du jour?

Correction: The Elantra does not "suffice". It is, in fact, PERFECT! The best Elantra it will ever be. (and after that? Probably all downhill, til one day: the junkyard.)
Though hopefully it is uphill from here on in until we bite the dust for us humans on this mindfulness path! So I lift my glass in a toast to you all as we shield our eyes against the sun and go on....

Fiska Karma's nice car, but my Elantra suffices...

When I read this, I was going to stamp and pout and throw my mala on the ground. I mean-geez! I migrated here from a perfectly good country 20 years ago so I could be sped to the finish line in a blaze of glory in a brand new Fisker Karma by a tall dark stranger, not trudge along by myself, step by step, in my 2 year old Hyundai Elantra. GROAN! Sometimes there is NOTHING sexy about waking up!!
But then- it seemed kinda ungrateful. So instead I say-a heartfelt THANK YOU Pavel, for the wisdom and support.
And last but not least-for the reminder that there is in fact no finish line, however annoying that may be at times...:)

Marion: you are absolutely correct, and now that you know all that and thought it through, forget the intended outcome, and focus on the process (of mindful eating, exactly as you have been doing); it is the process-focus that assures the desired outcome, not the outcome-preoccupation. We know one thing on the front end (recall my little exercise on "inevitable perfection" from the workshop): you have been doing your best, doing your best now and will be doing your best. That should be enough to feel successful (regardless of any number on the scale). Be well.

Pavel-good analogy. I want to be sure I AM building that new house and not just slapping some paint on the outside of the old one.
Never fear-I do not have a number goal on the scale in mind. Technically, I know there is a 30lb weight range (rather than a single number, which would be well-nigh impossible to attain and maintain) within which I will be comfortable in my own skin and where my face will look like my face again. Meanwhile I still walk tall and am OK with myself: I have always felt that for me, the one thing worse than being fat would be being self conscious and fat. I think all people should walk with their heads held high, regardless of personal insecurities and issues.
When I look in the mirror, I can't help but see the vestiges of stressful times when I did not take good care of myself, and substituted food for other, deeper needs that were unmet. That reminder is what makes me cringe, more than the physical aesthetics.
Now that so many parts of my life have bloomed, and I have made real progress with mindfulness, esp with regards to eating, I am looking forward to the day when I have shed my "old skin", with it's scars from issues and wounds long gone, and grown a new skin that better reflects my current condition-of mindfulness, and self nurturing and balance-when I look the way I feel.
And if I am truly mindful with food, then by definition I will (mostly) be eating the right amount at the right time-in a way that reflects my individual needs, and not societal standards/habits, as Susan has pointed out.
The other important point for me is continued progress. Though I am still struggling with some other aspects of mindfulness, I can do one mindful and one mouthful per meal easily. I want to continue to challenge myself, rather than "treading water", so to speak. So I am working on continued mindfulness practice at a level that makes me work more. It is also important for me to be constantly aware of the feelings and needs I have at any given time that can get misdirected at cravings/unhealthy food behaviors, so that I can substitute appropriate (non-food) satisfiers.
I guess I find it hard to believe that if I was true to my self and my needs that I would continue to be overweight: I would find it really discouraging if my weight did not change as all these other things improved. (Happily, right now, I am losing weight, at a slow but so far steady pace.) The weight loss is not my focus-we all know plenty of skinny people who are miserable-it is just one barometer of success. (If forced to choose, I would take fat and mindful.)

Exactly, Susan!

Today I am working on listening to what my body is telling me about hunger. Truth be told, I often eat just because it's that time of the day, habit, etc. I really need to focus on whether or not I am even hungry and then eat only if I am hungry. I need to re-think what a meal is. It does not need to be a protein, a vegetable, a starch, etc., etc. A cup of yogurt and some fresh grapes can well suffice for a meal. I think I've bought into the habits/standards of other people which don't necessarily reflect my needs, what my body needs to be healthy. This morning I had some fresh grapes and a banana for breakfast and that was it - & it these mindfully. That was fine. Didn't seem to need anything else so I didn't have anything else.

Marion: would you need proof that you are building a house if the windows aren't yet in and the roof isn't yet on? from your writings, it is self-evident that you are sowing many a seed of mindfulness, having numerous precedents of mindful eating: the foundation is clearly in, I don't think you have to wait for the last strp of siding to go on the wall, to already know that you are in the middle of full-blown reconstruction of your eating. Number on a scale has nothing to do with mindful eating. I have overweight clients that eat mindfully throughout the day and clients that are fit who are zombie-eaters. Your mindful eating success doesn't have to be contingent on a number on a scale. Whether you lose weight or not, you are gaining mind.

I can relate to the food uninspiredness, Susan. For me, it goes with that feeling of tiresomeness (of life in general at times, and mindfulness in particular)-that whole thing where you just start over again, day after day, and persevere with the things you know you should do. On bad weeks it is like Groundhog Day, on good weeks you see the progress, however small, and take courage. Personally, all joking aside, I feel like I will really have proof that I am being consistently mindful with food when I am back to the healthy body weight I maintained the first 30 years of my life (in spite of many unmindful moments!:) For me, balance (ie, peak health, mentally, physically and in all other areas of life) has always come during periods of my life when I consistently set aside time for exercise, meditation and recreation. When all those are in place, it is hard for me NOT to be mindful, and it is easy to be aware of and control my eating. And conversely-the more mindful I am on a daily basis, the more likely I am to exercise, meditate, and schedule down time in the midst of the 3 ring circus of life. So every day the quest for balance continues..unfortunately, I am not buying any tickets anywhere yet!!

I'm starting to work w/the mindful eating also. Had an experience recently in which I was able to prepare a casserole without tasting any of the ingredients separately, as I am prone to do when cooking. I was able to throw away/put away excess ingredients without eating it ONLY because I was paying attention to the process.

problem with temptations? mindfulness-based craving control's the solution. good for in-home or out-of-home use.